Helping Yourself when an Unborn Baby dies or a Miscarriage Occurs
When an unborn baby dies or a miscarriage occurs, you or your loved ones may be experiencing grief for the first time as a result of a precious human loss. It takes bravery to deal with the loss of an unborn child or a stillborn baby. There may or may not be a funeral, and you may or may not receive condolence calls, as friends and neighbours may not be aware of the baby's death. Here are some suggestions to help you and your loved ones cope after the death of an unborn baby.
1
Name your child
Name your child, if you haven’t done so before. You will find it easier to embrace memories when your baby has a name.
2
Use the baby's name in conversation
In conversation, use the baby's name. When asked how many children you have, you can say, “I had three. Our sweet baby Leslie died at birth.” This may shock people. What you will be doing is affirming that you still have this child in your heart and memories.
3
Follow a ritual or a remembrance rite
You may place a significant toy such as a video game system under the Christmas tree as a gift from the child to the family. You may also purchase a wrapped gift for the child that is donated to a children’s shelter. Both small rituals give voice to feelings of loss that might otherwise remain silent. Both offer permission for family members to share both their memories and grief.
4
Seek help from medical providers or specialists
One may feel sadness for creating a child who was imperfect and worry that the next conception may also result in an unborn baby’s death. If this is heavy on your heart, talk with your medical providers or specialists. Regardless of the reasons for the pregnancy’s termination, you may feel especially saddened by the loss of a dream that was your child. However, you feel better prepared if you have more information.